We've Never Been to Friendly's!
by CharlieMichelle
Summary: "Can we pick a place before Anastasia over here goes Stalin on my ass?" Clint said, rather loudly at that, as Natasha threw another random object towards his head. "Guys!"


**A/N: Alright guys (second time in a day!) so basically here's the deal; my friend Erika and I were at Friendly's and while we were sitting there I was ranting and raving about the Avengers when this idea suddenly hit me... imagine the six of them at Friendly's. Now it's not a crack fic and it's not really a spoof, I'd say it's just a nice short funny fanfiction with a somewhat out of character approach.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers, or I'd be eating dinner with those gorgeous men all night. **

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It was after a mission closer to Philadelphia, the Avengers had decided they were hungry, of course after any mission who wouldn't be hungry.

In the last six months a lot has changed in their lives, whether it was living situations, split times between one universe and another, or a total life turn around the Avengers had managed to stick together.

"I'm hungry." Tony Stark muttered as they searched for restaurants that would be affordable (with Tony that left everywhere) and somewhere out of the way.

"Ok, ok what about this place?" Steve pointed to the Applebee's on the map, "they look like they would have decent food."

Tony however grumbled; "no good, I've been there many times with Pepper." he continued the search. "What about Texas Roadhouse?"

"Excellent selection!" Everyone stared at Thor for a few seconds.

"Well have you been there Blondy?" Natasha bit out, she had already entered the 'Grouchy Hungry Russian' stage of her day. "Can't we just find a damn pizza place and call it a day?"

Clint chuckled, before ducking from an UNTO (unknown Natasha thrown object). "Mercy. Alright guys, pick a place before Anastasia over here goes Stalin on me."

"Oh please, you know me how long and the best you come up with is Anastasia and Stalin?" she crossed her arms and quirks her eyebrow. "I'm afraid you're losing your touch Barton."

"Not what you said last night." he smirked at the blush (she'd deny it for the rest of her life) spreading across her cheeks. Subtle but there, "I'm sorry what were you saying about me losing my touch?"

"Guys." Bruce started but was promptly cut off by another UNTO hitting Clint square in the forehead. "Guys." he tried again only to be cut off my Stark, Thor, and Steve arguing over food. "GUYS!"

"What!" they all yelled in unison.

"What about Friendly's?" he received a deer in headlights look. "You know like, that place!"

"Banner I lived on a hellicarrier for almost a full seven years, what place other than the cafeteria on board would I know?" Clint sent her a sympathetic look.

"Where ice cream makes the meal!" Bruce sang out horribly out of tune and causing many other looks from the other members of the team. "Well it was an idea."

When Clint's stomach rumbled in a disgustingly loud sound wave Tony makes the executive decision; "Friendly's it is!"

So Friendly's it was. While Tony figured out where they were going to park, ok so while he figured out which cars weren't needed or didn't look enough so he could park on them the group remained silent.

"Hey Tash?" Natasha looked up to her partner with her arms crossed stubbornly over her chest. "I'm sorry for the Russian jibes."

She shrugged before mumbling; "it's alright." He knew it wasn't but what could he do? Apologizing to her very rarely worked, especially in this case, but while Tony is crashing a pick up truck there's really not much he can do. He can't come up behind her and hug her, he can't make her sit on his lap until she forgives him, and he can't pull her in between is outstretched legs because her safety harness would choke her.

"We're here!" Tony replied with glee as he and the rest of the Avengers hopped out. It looked small and kind of homey, didn't seem crowded at all which was perfect for all of them. "Let's go."

When the group walked in they were greeted cheerfully by a short redheaded girl; "Hi welcome to Friendly's!" She wasn't really paying attention but when she looked up she almost dropped the menus. "Uh…"

"Six. Please." Bruce answered as the red head just nods her head slowly.

"Follow me…" When they're seated and she handed them their menus she got the nerve to ask, "… you guys look like you just came back from war?"

"It's a long story ma'am." Steve said as he sent her a two finger salute. "Don't worry about it." She nodded her head and walked away.

"I have a question…" Everyone looked at Thor, of course he had a question. "What is this, blue raspberry drink?"

No one really had an answer to that; "I'm assuming it's a sugar filled beverage that has artificial flavoring of a blue raspberry that more than likely has some form of carbonated substance in it and is probably going to send you to the hospital." Tony said dryly as he glanced at everyone's faces; "it's just a guess."

When a taller darker haired girl came over to get their drinks Bruce was pleased that everyone answered calmly, for the most part. "I'll have a water please."

Natasha's smooth voice rang out as Clint ordered a coke; "he'll have a diet."

"I want regular."

"You'll have diet because my partner won't become an invalid."

"Nat it's one soda!" He threw his menu down and his hands palms up, "how is one soda going to hurt me?"

"Diet or water, take your pick." When he started grumbling and sulking behind his menu she turned to the waitress; "he'll have diet coke please."

"Ok." The waitress seemed like it was a normal routine as she continued down the line, Steve was next to Natasha: "you sir?"

"I'll have a coke."

"Oh! Of course he can get a coke but I can't!" Clint said slightly jealous that Steve Rogers can do what ever the hell he wants. He snapped his face back over at Natasha when he felt a boot kick him; "what the hell was that for?"

"You're annoying me, shut up."

"While they fight, I'll have a sweetened iced tea please." Bruce said across from Steve, he was pleasantly seated with his elbows on the table his hands folded loosely.

"Of course!" The waitress said before looking at Thor.

"I'd like the blue beverage," the waitress nodded, "and maybe the red."

"Red or blue or both?" The waitress asked, now it was starting to get weird.

"Both." She nodded before moving down the line.

"You know I think I'm going to have Sprite, it most likely won't kill me, and has a delicious blend of lemon and lime." Again the waitress just nodded but with a more confused expression.

"So what's everyone getting?" Bruce asked lightly.

"The Honey BBQ chicken Supermelt looks gr—" Natasha kicked Clint again; "greatly disappointing and so high in calories!" He glared at her. "Can I at least control what I eat?" He whispered hotly.

"You can split a chicken Cesar salad with me." She smiled at him, that sarcastic I'm going to win and you know it smile. "Call it pay back from Anastasia and Stalin."

"Shit." Clint muttered as he listened to Tony and Steve argue.

"A classic burger is the way to go!" Steve said hotly while Tony shook his head; "face it Stark you can't fix it if it's not broken."

"Then someone should fix you, because I'm telling you a classic burger is just too dull! Where's the kick? The spice? Where's the 'Oh my God orgasm in my mouth through my throat to the esophagus and into my digestive system' feeling with a classic burger?"

He was met with an extreme silence from the other Avengers until Bruce spoke up; "I don't think I've ever had that feeling about food…"

"Oh, I have." Thor said with a vigorous nod; "it's like nothing you've ever imagined. Perfection." The waitress walked over with the drinks before anyone could even attempt to form a comment, even Stark's mouth was hanging open.

"Are you ready to order your meals?" She asked sweetly, completely ignoring what she just overheard.

"…I'll have the chicken finger platter please." Tony mumbled, which almost shocked everyone but anyone who knew Tony knew that no matter what restaurant they went to, unless it was suit and tie fancy, he ordered chicken fingers.

"The classic bacon cheeseburger please medium." As an after thought Steve asks politely; "medium is tan right?"

"Well what is the difference?" Thor asked Steve after he ordered.

"His chances of getting some rare disease due to uncooked meat?" Tony said incredulously.

"On Asgard, all meat is eaten raw."

"That's good to know, yeah I'll have your turkey club." Bruce says leaving Thor next in line to order; "I'm sure you'll have fun with this one."

"I will have this!" He pointed to a picture on the menu; "and one of those" He pointed towards something else, the waitress recorded the order but since Thor refused to show the others no one really knew what he was getting.

"And for you two?"

"We're going to split a chicken Cesar salad." The waitress nodded and Clint started rolling his eyes; "and if you don't mind could we do the munchie mania with the mozzarella sticks, the mac and cheese bites, and the burger slides."

"No problem." The waitress smiled as she went to put the order in while Clint stared at Natasha with amazement in his eyes.

"Don't say I never didn't anything for you." She said as she sipped her water. While waiting for their food the group managed to have a civilized conversation. When the munchi mania came out Clint was about to drop to his knees and proclaim his love for Natasha, not that he'd do that in public.

"This is delicious."

"I'm glad you like the heart attack on a plate." She said as she bit into a mac and cheese bite.

"You love unhealthy foods just as much as I do." She glared at him and raised an eyebrow as if to argue, 'oh yeah? how?' but he didn't let her actually say anything. "Your favorite food is buffalo chicken wings."

"So?" She challenged him with a cool voice, the rest of the table watched as the two bantered, or was this actually a dispute between the partners?

"Tash, you can eat twenty four of them by yourself and another twenty four of just regular barbecue wings." She kicked him under the table hard, "what the hell was that for!"

"Making me sound like some out of control obese pig." She didn't even blink as she pushed the appetizer plate towards him. "You can have the rest Barton."

"I was joking around." She turned her head and started talking to Steve and Thor.

"…I would say that you are not a pig, if I knew what a pig was." Thor said as he gulped down part of his cherry drink. While she was about to explain the waitress appeared with a giant tray of food.

Clint and Natasha with the salad, Bruce had the turkey club super melt, Steve his original burger, Tony is chicken fingers and fries and Thor with… what looked like a barbecue chicken super melt combined with a pancake?

"Try it, it's delicious!" Thor said as he bit into the rather complex looking meal.

"See, that's a heart attack, what I wanted was not a heart attack." Natasha simply kicked him before biting into her salad. For majority of the meal they ate in silence, with the exception of Thor's grunts.

"Are you guys going to have desert?"

"I most certainly am, how about you my friends?" Thor was over enthusiastic about the desert thing; but it was Thor so it wasn't completely unexpected. "Well then, I'll take a gragnut soltin."

"…we don't have that." The waitress shook her head confused, a gragnut what? "In fact I don't know of any place that does…"

"That is strange! And disappointing."

"Thor, buddy, let me handle this." Tony looked at everyone before making an executive decision: "I say kit-kat sundae. All of us."

"Well I want gragnut!" Thor demanded slamming his fists on the table. Bruce played peace maker.

"Thor I think you'd like hazlenut." He looked at Tony; "Tony I think you shold shut up and order one kit-kat sundae for yourself."

"Fine, but who doesn't like a kit-kat bar?"

To Tony's horror the only other person who didn't raise their hand was Natasha; "I rather enjoy them, but I just want vanilla ice cream."

"You're Russian therefore you are a traitor!" Tony said dramatically pointing a finger at Natasha. "I'll have one kit-kat sundae."

Natasha gritted out her order, "I just want a scoop of vanilla." She didn't bother criticizing Clint for his unhealthy choice, which really wasn't unhealthy. He didn't like sweets as much he used to. Two scoops of chocolate with whipped cream.

Steve got a basic hot fudge sundae, to which Tony argued again about adding a little spark to his tradition, while Thor mixed two sundaes together… with hazlenuts on it as well.

The night was dwindling to a close, ice cream was eaten in peace, besides a few chunks of M&M's from Bruce's candy shop sundae into Natasha's hair (which she would eventually get revenge for) the Avengers paid the bill. They always left a nice tip but tonight Natasha felt like she owed a little more; "Sorry for all the trouble we caused."

"No trouble at all, nice costumes by the way." Natasha wouldn't bother correcting her as she walked out the door. Clint was waiting for her silently while the rest of the group got into the plane.

"I'm sorry about earlier Nat."

"I know." He attempted to wrap his arm around he waist, an effort to hug it out. "Nope, you might strain yourself from having to stretch your arm around my obesity."

"Lovebirds, I want to get home." Tony said over the earpiece. "Clint, man, that sucks… no action tonight?"

"Shut up Tony." All other members of the Avengers responded. By the time they arrived back at Stark (although Tony called it A House) Tower Natasha was asleep against Clint, Thor and Bruce discussing the difference between a hazlenut and a gragnut (apparently the only difference was a gragnut liked to grab at your throat if you didn't eat them quickly enough). Tony and Steve spent the night discussing their meals, sparks, and orgasms of the mouth.

The following week after another 'routine' mission the group was equally as hungry as before; "Bruce picked last time."

"Oh, I'm sorry I forgot that we're five here Tony. Clint is driving so he's picking." Bruce said as a defense for himself after Tony got mad that Clint agreed with hoagies from a place called 'Wawa'.

"You're missing my point, he's picking the place that you want to go to… therefore you're picking again." Tony looked around after crossing his arms over his chest; "I thought we lived in a country that believed in democracy, you're acting like a communist."

"No he's not." Natasha said from the co-pilots seat; "And I would know, I'm Russian. Well…" And so the tradition continued on and on and on… and on.

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**A/N: Hope it made your life a little brighter. Thank you for reading, don't forget to review!**


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